Not the Mama...Not the Mama

DAY THREE THROUGH NINE
OF FAUX-PARENTING
I may be dating myself, but does anyone else remember the good 'ole days of spending every Friday night in front of the tube, anxiously waiting to hear the theme song from Full House to start the TGIF lineup? Does anyone else remember the show Dinosaurs that was part of the lineup for several years? Well, I do. And this week, my life has been that show.


For those not familiar, or for those lucky enough for it to have been "before your time", I'll clue you in. The premise of the show was a family of dinosaurs that were a bit on the dysfunctional side. The Sinclairs, if I remember correctly, consisted of a Mom and a Dad dino raising their two teen dinos and a baby dino. I think there was also a Grandma dino, but let's focus on the baby for the sake of my sanity. The baby dino was always giving the Dad dino a hard time when the Mom dino was out. He would try to feed the baby and love the baby, but never succeeded without the baby beating d0wn the Dad until he couldn't take it anymore.

One of the things that I never forgot about that show was when the baby dino would hit the Dad repeatedly over the head with a frying pan screaming "Not the Mama!! Not the Mama!!" While seemingly funny to me at the time, I'm no longer laughing. I'm the "Dad" now, and I feel as though I have been knocked over the head with a frying pan. How come no one warned me that this parenting thing was so hard? How come no one told me that everyday I would come to the realization over and over that I was NOT THE MAMA!!!?

Is it easier when they start out small and unable to talk back? Is it easier when you have some time to get in a routine and they have time to realize that you DO have the ability to strangle them? I have a whole new respect for EVERY parent I know, and EVERY parent I don't know. This nine days was hard. I was happy to do it and I would do it again in a heartbeat, but I now know the true ups & downs of being a Mom; even if just a faux-one at that.

So here are a couple checklist that I've compiled over the nine days of obviously being NOT THE MAMA!!

10 Things I need to remember when it happens for real:

1. Always, Always, Always carry wet wipes or tissues in your car.
2. If bedtime is at 8:30pm, start getting ready for bed at noon.
3. Don't put pepper on ANYTHING!
4. Not everything on Cartoon Network is age-appropriate.
5. "Crazy-Diseased eyeballs" taste good when you go out to eat with Grandma.
6. Just let him wear the dang Crocs. It's just NOT worth it!
7. Dessert is not optional. (I already knew this, but now I'm glad to know I will have back-up)
8. There's no such thing as "running late" in the morning. It's the same speed no matter how many minutes you slept through the alarm.
9. Bribery doesn't work. They're smarter than that, darn them.
10. Bulk laundry detergent and paper plates are the ONLY ways-to-go.

Total damages done:
1. 1 pudding-stained towel.
2. 1 broken mirror.
3. 1 freaked out cat.
4. 0 100-calorie packs left
5. 1 aunt and 1 uncle sitting on the couch figuring out what to do now that those two boys that brought so much laughter and fun to our last nine days are gone.

Although challenging and tiresome, we're both gonna miss Donut-Fridays, off-the-wall car conversations, Kelly Clarkson karaoke, and those wonderful and warm goodnight hugs. We love you Jacob and Josh! and we can't wait to do it again. Right after your real Mom and Dad send US on a vacation to Hawaii!!