Christmas H2-NO!

Nothing says Christmas like family, midnight mass, presents and bottled water. Oh? You mean filling 5 gallon jugs of water from your next door neighbor's hose isn't on your regular Holiday to-do list? Well, I would definitely recommend it for next year. Christmas week isn't nearly stressful enough unless you add a little spice to it with a surgery, a kitchen demo, and most importantly - no water in the house. C'mon, you want it to be memorable, don't you?

Christmas is a wonderful time to spend with family and friends to reflect on your past year and to focus on what is really important. Although Nathan and I don't have children yet, we've noticed that some families may find it difficult to get the little ones to focus on the foundation of Christmas rather than the biggest gift wrapped under the tree. Well, problem solved!! If you need their eyes to focus on the most important lessons that Christmas brings, follow the steps below. They're a sure thing.

First, completely eliminate all of the running water in the house for an entire week. This means no showers, no dishwashers, no toilets, no brushing teeth, no ice cubes, no clean clothes. There has to be absolutely zero running water for this to work. It especially is successful if you complete this during Christmas week.

Christmas lesson #1:
Once you've eliminated all of the water, the lesson part comes in. The children will be left with a lot of free time that is normally filled with frivolous things like flushing, and cleaning dishes and changing into freshly washed clothes. This free time is perfect! It's right when you snatch their attention. At the exact moment that they've yelled at the other children, thrown something across the room, and then broken down and cried; that's when you choose to explain to them that Baby Jesus didn't have running water in the manger. Voila! Christmas lesson #1 completed: What Would Jesus Do?

Christmas lesson #2

For part two, when all of their dignity is stripped from them, have your children call every friend and family member they know and ask them to come over and dig up your front yard. Be sure that you have at least one of the aforementioned friend or family members walk all over your carpet during the digging. For this lesson to work, you have to have mud tracked all through your house. When the carpet and tile are good and muddy, ask the children to help you clean the stains before they set in. When they realize that there's no water to mop with or to dampen a cloth, explain to them the importance of the Walmart Neighborhood Market and Resolve Carpet Cleaner. TA DA! Christmas lesson #2 completed: Christmas is full of surprises; be prepared for the worst.

Christmas lesson #3

After cleaning the mud off of the carpet, ensure that your children receive news that ANOTHER plumber will have to come out and that it will cost them about $800. If they start to cry, comfort them by explaining that their body doesn't really need plasma; paying the plumber is way more important. Although they may have already spent all of their allowance on the previous $265 plumber visit, ease their pain by explaining that they will save money by forcing them to cancel their annual New Year's Eve Party. You may need to proceed with caution here. At this point, the lesson can begin to breakdown the child's soul. Although they designed, printed, sealed and hand-delivered special invitations for the big night, you must make them call all of the party attendees and tell them that there will be no party. Be sure to wait until the day before the party to call everyone. This allows the child to be exposed to many questions about what others are supposed to do at the last minute to ring in 2008. Christmas lesson #3 done: New Year's Eve is for alcoholic heathens and should only be celebrated by people with water.

Christmas lesson #4:

When your children are beginning to complain about stinky clothes or greasy hair, you've reached the point to teach them the last lesson. Make them gather all of their laundry and shampoo and stand in front of their friend's door. Once inside, have them break down in tears exclaiming that this has been the worst week of their life and then ask with a tear-stained face to use the friend's shower. This is when you explain Christmas lesson #4: Sharing is caring.

All this lesson-learning and traveling back and forth to take a shower hasn't left much time to blog, but I'll try to post pics tomorrow of what Christmas H2-NO actually looked like at the Blais' house. It definitely will go down as the most memorably frustrating Christmas ever.